Given that I’ve been traveling recently, I have not been witness to the antics of my own pets. So now I’m forced to write about other people’s pets.
Writing about other people’s pets is like writing about other people’s children. It can be done, but it is not nearly as fascinating.
Let’s face it: No one is as interesting as your own pets or children. Yet most people don’t seem to understand this basic truth. Talking about your own pet or child is like talking about yourself — it is interesting only to others who have a large emotional investment.
Of course there are quite a few other annoying things that pet owners do. I’ve compiled a short list:
1. Use their pet’s picture as their Facebook profile picture.
Seriously? This is right up there with using your kid’s picture. Get. Your. Own. Identity.
2. Justify their pet’s annoying habits with pop psychology.
Your dog does not whine at the door because he was taken from his mother too early or he was the runt of the litter and thus has an inferiority complex. Your dog whines at the door because you haven’t trained him properly.
Your cat does not claw up your furniture in an act of passive aggression because she doesn’t like your new boyfriend/girlfriend. Your cat claws up your furniture because that is what cats do for fun.
3. Brag about the breed.
So you spent $5,000 on a pet. All that shows is what a doofus you are for making your pet a status symbol and not going to the local animal shelter to save a homeless animal. If you got a purebred pet so you could join that animal’s own special society, meet with other owners of the same breed and socialize with people who “understand” that breed, please see the last four words of #1.
4. Talk for their animal.
Although this is hours of fun for people who are emotionally involved with your pet, it is astoundingly boring for most people. I am not interested in your turtle’s musings about Hume. I’m not even interested in your musings about Hume. Telling me through your turtle doesn’t make it edgy and interesting.
5. Talk about their pet’s bowel movements.
It doesn’t matter if this is over dinner or not. I would rather not hear about your ferret’s litter box habits, how your cat drinks out of the toilet even though you’ve put out fresh water, or how your dog’s poop got all over the sidewalk because it was so runny. It is always gross. Always.
Do any of these things annoy you? Did I annoy you? Let me have it in the comments section below. If you enjoyed this article, you’ll love Pets Adviser’s email newsletter. It’s free to sign up, and you’ll be among the first to get alerts about major pet food recalls. New subscribers also get instant access to our 40-page ebook — which has “secrets every cat and dog lover should know.” Learn more here.